


Bones in the Drift

by hellowkatey



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Gets a Hug, Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Anakin Skywalker Gets a Hug, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst, Clone Trooper Culture (Star Wars), Comfort, Death, Gen, Obi-Wan Kenobi Gets a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Sea Shanties, Singing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:54:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28755468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellowkatey/pseuds/hellowkatey
Summary: After a battle with heavy casualties, Ahsoka observes how the clones mourn their fallen brothers.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 5
Kudos: 58





	Bones in the Drift

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off a sea shanty called Bones in the Ocean sung by The Longest Johns (which I modified in some parts to be a little bit more Star Wars). I highly recommend giving the song a listen, it is BEAUTIFUL and devastating >>> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVkD4lgXTEU

Ahsoka sits on the ground outside the med tent with a heavy heart. For the first time in three days, the battlefield doesn't have the usual ambiance of blaster fire, the crackle of cannons, and the heavy footsteps of droids. Though the fighting has ceased, a new, even more horrible state blankets the valley. Silence.

In the year she has been in this fight, Ahsoka has found that there are two types of mourning. There is the loud, wail of anguish that shakes one's bones and can take your breath away. She heard it once as a mother held her dying child in the street, bellowing as though it was her who was shot through the neck by a battle droid blaster and not her kin. It made her body go numb and her hands shake until Master Skywalker wrapped an arm around her shoulders and shielded her from the display. 

"This is a private moment, Ahsoka," he whispered. But even as he discouraged her from looking, he couldn't keep his own eyes off the woman as she hugged the lifeless boy to her chest. 

The second type of mourning is the silent type. Like sneaking around a sleeping krayt dragon, it is a quiet that is more akin to holding one's breath than any sort of calm serenity. This is the type of mourning that lays heavy on this battlefield today. 

Troopers pass with heavy gaits and drooping soldiers. They do not speak, only grasp on to one another as though if they aren't making physical contact with their brothers they will disappear the next moment. There is no post-battle celebration. There are no orders being called, or conversation between brothers.

There is no need for orders when everyone knows what to do. Burial preparations. 

The flap of the med tent opens and two clones carry out a stretcher. Ahsoka glances up, her stomach flipping to see another clone with a sheet stretched over his face. Master Kenobi follows close behind. 

He too feels the weight of death here. It is plain to see that there is much more than just exhaustion on the Jedi Master's face. He looks down at her, not even managing a comforting smile as he usually would. 

"Where is Anakin?" he whispers, and Ahsoka slowly pulls herself to her feet. 

"Helping Rex construct the pyre." 

"Good." Master Kenobi folds his arms into his billowing cloak, staring off into the distance where a mass of timber has started accumulating. "Are you alright? Do you need to see Kix or Helix?" 

_Is_ she alright? Physically, yes. She was lucky enough to not sustain any major injuries. A few bumps and bruises, but that is to be expected. Certainly less in need of medical attention than Master Kenobi himself. He is favoring his left leg and somehow split the skin at his hairline so dark, dried blood has accumulated in his sideburns and beard. She has a feeling he has no intention of getting those things checked out, though. "No, Master Kenobi, I just... was taking a moment." 

He nods his head. "We have suffered a horrible loss this battle. I do wish we could have done more to prevent it." 

She studies his rigid jaw and stiff posture. Ahsoka gets the feeling he actually means 'I do wish _I_ could have done more to prevent it', as though Master Kenobi had any control over the Separatists ambushing their protected camp in the valley. They came from above, snipers and bombs nearly taking out the entire camp in the night. The Republic troops quite literally had nowhere to hide for the first day and a half of the battle. 

"Does it get easier?" Ahsoka asks. Master Kenobi looks at her again, his placid blue eyes looking at her carefully before he shakes his head. 

"It does not. But feeling the weight of loss is not a bad thing, Ahsoka."

"It feels like a bad thing.' 

"It means you have compassion and empathy, two very important qualities for a Jedi," he looks back to the battlefield where the troopers have started to file toward the burial site. The Jedi Master swallows hard. "The moment you don't mourn is when the war has finally won," his voice is soft, almost too quiet for her to hear and she wonders if he is still talking to her... or now, himself. 

Talking with Master Kenobi makes her feel a little bit better. Master Skywalker tends to withdraw post-battles. He throws himself into being useful, like carrying wood to the funeral pyre or helping load up gunships with leftover supplies. Ahsoka, on the other hand, takes more after Master Kenobi's method of coping. He prefers to surround himself with people. He goes to the med tent and helps assess injuries and sets up evac orders. He will visit as many clusters of clones as he can manage, spending a few moments to talk to them, thank them for their bravery, and collect the names of those who have fallen. While Ahsoka doesn't take as strong an initiative in making official arrangements, she does like to hang around Rex or Fives and Echo and just listen to their post-battle debriefs. 

"Have you ever stayed for a clone trooper funeral, Ahsoka?" Master Kenobi asks. 

"No... I wasn't sure if it was disrespectful." 

He gives her a small smile. "Come. I think you should see this." 

They walk together across the battlefield where Ahsoka can already see the glow of flames illuminating the walls of the valley. The med tent sat at a low point of the land, so they trek up the fairly steep hill. The closer they get, the more nervous the Torgruta padawan feels. She must be projecting because she feels Master Kenobi place his hand softly against her shoulder blade as they walk, sending ease through the Force around them. 

They are nearly at the top of the hill when she hears something new cut through the eerie silence. It's like a low hum, and it's growing louder. They reach the summit, revealing the entire scene before them and she gapes.

They're standing halfway between the back of the crowd and the funeral pyre, at a high side angle that gives her a good vantage of everything going on. She can see the source of the orange glow that dances up the sides of the surrounding mountains now. The sight of such a large bonfire makes her entire body shudder with chills. The fire burns bright and hot, and she swears she can feel the heat even from this distance. A densely packed crowd of troopers radiate outward from the center of the funeral. They are pressed together, arms linked through arms like a massive chain of thousands. 

They stand before rows upon rows of helmets that now don't have owners. Helmets that have been ever so carefully laid into evenly spaced arrangements. Seeing the buckets makes Ahsoka unexpectedly choke up. _They're only uniforms, pull it together._

But they're so much more than that, and she knows that. The pyre illuminates the helmets with a harsh backlight, but she can still see the outlines of chipped blue and yellow paint that demarcates the clones into their companies. Into their families. There are those that are more worn and dented, never washed because the evidence of experience is more valued than a clean suit of armor. Somehow even more heartbreaking are the helmets that are still pristine. A few not even painted with the colors of their companies. Shinies that never got to take the time to find who they are. Some maybe never even found their names.

"It is beginning," Master Kenobi says. Ahsoka turns her attention from the helmets.

The hum she heard on their walk swells into what she perceives as the men speaking in unison, and it takes her a moment to realize they are reciting some sort of chant.

> _"_ _Oh, I bid farewell to the port and the land;"_

Though it is obvious the men are all saying this in their normal talking voice, the presence of so many amplifies their words so it sounds as though they are being broadcast through a speaker. 

> _"And I take off away from brave Cor'scant's hands._
> 
> _To search for my long ago forgotten friends._
> 
> _To search for a place I hear all soldiers end."_

Ahsoka absorbs the lyrics as they come to her keen ears. In her mind, she can see the frequent memory of watching Coruscant grow further and further away with every campaign they leave on. By now, she has a better idea of what it looks like afar than up close.

She looks up at Master Kenobi as he puts his own arm across her shoulders. He's not usually one for physical affection, but it's a gesture she certainly needs in this moment. His eyes are closed, chin tilted into the wind in quiet reverence. There is a small lull, and she expects the chant to repeat, or end, but it doesn't. Rather, the valley erupts in a crescendo of thousands of troopers _singing._ Chills run down her spine.

> _"As the souls of the dead fill the space of my mind,_
> 
> _I'll search without sleeping 'til peace I can find._
> 
> _I fear not the weather, I fear not deep space._
> 
> _I remember the fallen, do they think of me?_
> 
> _When their bones in the drift forever will be."_

She feels like someone is sitting on her chest. Ahsoka can only watch in complete awe as they sway with the melody, seemingly entranced in this display. 

"The drift," Master Kenobi whispers to her, "is what they call the places we battle. Graves whose locations will be forgotten, and their physical bodies lost." 

Ahsoka has been taught about where Jedi go in the end. That eventually, all things return to the Force. Though most are buried on burning pyres, there are those who are lost without being able to have the proper funeral. She'd never really thought about the physical bodies of her fallen fellow Jedi and how they didn't get to be honored in the way they would prefer.

> _"Plot a course to the night to a place I once knew._
> 
> _To a place where my hope died along with my crew._
> 
> _So I swallow my grief and face life's final test._
> 
> _To find promise of peace and the solace of rest"_

The words echo through her mind, and the pit in her stomach tightens. She's reminded of when she was taken hostage and hunted by the Trandosans. So many nights she sat around with the other kids, unable to remember what it feels like to sleep without being on constant guard. So many nights, she swore it would be the last. 

She wraps her arm around Master Kenobi's back and he squeezes her shoulder. 

> _"As the songs of the dead fill the space of my ears,_
> 
> _Their laughter like children, their beckoning cheers._
> 
> _My heart longs to join them, sing songs of the stars._
> 
> _I remember the fallen, do they think of me?_
> 
> _When their bones in the drift forever will be."_

Suddenly there is the weight of another arm over her. She looks to her right to see her master has joined them, looking down at her with a solemn expression. She pulls him into their own chain, mirroring their troopers below.

> _"When at last before my ghostly brothers I stand,_
> 
> _I shed a small tear for my home and my land._
> 
> _Though their eyes speak of depths filled with struggle and strife._
> 
> _Their smiles below say I don't owe them my life."_

With the support of the two elder Jedi on either side of her, Ahsoka lets herself melt into their comforting embraces. She sees the _struggle and strife_ the song speaks of in the eyes of her Master and Grandmaster. It's plain to see Master Kenobi holds the burden of the galaxy and Anakin holds the balance of it. Yet, they don't complain... (maybe Anakin a little bit)... just go out, day after day, and lead as they are meant to. They try their best to act like this is a normal part of being a Jedi even though Ahsoka is painfully aware this is not the apprenticeship she was meant to have. But it's her normal. 

> _"As the souls of the dead fill the space of my eyes,_
> 
> _And my ship listed over and tried to capsize._
> 
> _I'm this far from dying, this far from the war,_
> 
> _I remember the living do they think of me?_
> 
> _When my bones in the drift forever will be."_

Finally, she closes her eyes just as the melody slows, and the hum grows more solemn. 

> _"Now I'm starting down at the darkest abyss..."_

They draw out the last syllable in a haunting chorus that only amplifies as it echoes off the mountains. Ahsoka feels like she too is standing over a bottomless abyss.

> _"I'm not sure what I want but I don't think it's this."_

Beside her, she can feel vibrations coming from Master Kenobi. Ahsoka opens her eyes and looks up at him. 

He now sings with them. Softly. Basically only mouthing the words, but the glow of the fire against his face reveals the sadness in his eyes. She wonders how many of these he has attended. How many times he's watched them mourn and mourned with them. What reminders these lyrics bring to his mind. 

She looks at Anakin. He stares straight, his gaze unfocused and faraway. 

> _"As my comrades call to stands fast and forge on;"_

This part is not so much a song but an outcry. The verse in which they get to unravel and the troopers do. Their voices grow more grainy, more pained. She can feel the sadness for their fallen, and it brings tears to her own eyes. 

> _"I make haste for the dawn 'til the darkness has gone."_

Quiet falls over the valley. Only the crackling of the pyre makes any sort of verbalization. Tingles run up her arms as the realization creeps up on her. These are the words they sing to their dead, like a secret that will surely go with them to the grave. For much of this war, Ahsoka has been reminded by many that the troopers were made for war. Literally, _made_ to fight for the Republic. Those were the words of comfort given to her when she dared question their losses or mourn friends. 

And then the refrain returns, this time slow and stretched with the low rumble of the men's deep voices.

> _"As... the... "_

A sigh of respite. The tempo picks up one more, and she breathes. 

> _"...souls of the dead live for'er in my mind,_
> 
> _As I live all the years that they left me behind._
> 
> _I'll stay on the ship but still gaze at the stars._
> 
> _I remember the fallen and they think of me._
> 
> _For our souls in the manda together will be."_

The war has felt so long, yet in standard years it is merely a tiny moment in time. And yet, already Ahsoka feels like she has lost enough people for a lifetime. So many, she has lost the ability to remember to honor all of them in her daily meditations. Death has become a strange thing. She feels the weight of it, but it's like repeating a word over and over again until it doesn't really sound like a real word anymore. Losing people is so common, a part of her doesn't believe it's even real anymore. One day the war will end, she will return to the Temple, and all will return to normal. Her friends and teachers and Masters will be there. Maybe she will get to meet up with her clone friends on the weekends or do holo calls to stay in touch.

She's stuck in denial, with no way of moving into the anger portion of grief because anger is not the Jedi way. 

But even though she is aware of this flaw in her perception of death, she denies that too. If she lets the weight of loss lay on her shoulders fully, she will certainly be crushed. It's why she clutches to her masters as the clones hold onto one another-- to bear the weight together is to diminish the pressure enough to go on another day. 

> _"I remember the fallen and they think of me,_
> 
> _For our souls in the manda together will be. "_

The song fades, back into the low humming. They still sway, slowly and steadily in a moment that feels like it could last forever.

Yet they all know it will soon have to end. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I've been really into sea shanties as of late and when I heard this one all I could think about was the clone wars. Drop a review if you feel like it! I love reading all the comments. Definitely check out the song as well, I promise it is worth it.
> 
> @hellowkatey on Tumblr -- come say hi!


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